“Absolution” Movie Review

For this installment of VX’s epic action films & and trailers (or in this case epic fail) I give you the Steven Segal shitfest “Absolution”. Man did it suck. It was so bad I don’t even know where to begin. As you can see at one point Segal tells someone that they’re “Hanging around with the wrong people” and then sets off a bomb. The film costars Byron Mann whom you may remember as Ryu from the 1994 Jean Claud epic “Street Fighter”. At least Byron can leave the ground for his kicks unlike Porkchop Segal. The plot is two mercenaries are in the city of Odessa, Ukraine for a reason that is never explained. It basically bites the plot of “Skin Trade” yet is shittier in every way. Segal has mentioned he would like to return to the big screen, but that is going to be difficult with the quality of shit products he has been putting out lately. Vinnie Jones is the best actor in the movie, but only gets 10 minutes screen time because the script and director are both trash. Put it this way, if you read this review you just saved yourself an hour and a half that I will never get back. I will likely be doing a couple more reviews of watchable films to make up for how bad this one was. I believe it has a 4 on IMDB. Out of 5 ninja stars, I am going to give it a 2. Damn you Steven Segal, you fat bastard.

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